Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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