I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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