11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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