wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
