whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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