Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
