My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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