Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you had me at cake vodka
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
