I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's blow job season.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
