it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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