Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
