You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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