If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
