got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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