Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
