I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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