Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
