Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
