the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
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I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls