i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar