I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
