i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
