i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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