What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
