Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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