The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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