No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
