ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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