Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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