I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
