So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
