Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize