Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
