its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
