Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
