I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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