Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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