? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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