youre lurking in front of me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
