You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
