all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
