I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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