you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
