Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
