i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Randomize
