So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
