remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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