i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need a beard to bite.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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