The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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