You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My breasts were aching with rage.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
