she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
