oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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