im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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