God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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