I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
