my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
