why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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