He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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