so let's talk penis.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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