It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
