I showed him my bush... on skype.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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