We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
