this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
