$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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