Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
