god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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