I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
