quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
