We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
